Overwhelmed. This is the only word I can think of to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. My schedule has been all over the place; between the baby, vacation, and foot surgery, I feel like I’ve done nothing but run around or sit around. I can’t catch my breath or keep up with anything. My projects at work keep piling up, my house is a disaster (especially since I’m still in a surgical shoe and not able to do much activity), and I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

And then two days ago my aunt Sue passed away unexpectedly. She went grocery shopping and never made it home. An off-duty paramedic found her slumped over in her car, unresponsive. They took her to the hospital, but it was too late.

And just like that, all the things that I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with seemed completely insignificant and trivial. Just like that, I was reminded again how precious our days are and how quickly things can change.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.

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Cabin Fever

This month has been a complete whirlwind, until now. Earlier this month we left the kids at home with grandma and took a short vacation to wine country. We spent a few days enjoying beautiful vineyards, hiking in the redwoods and exploring the city. It was a crazy few days jam packed with wine, beer, food, and friends, and we loved every minute of it.

After being gone, I thought I’d be happy to be stuck at home for a few days. HA! Nope. I had foot surgery earlier this week and haven’t left the house since Wednesday. I’m going CRAZY and it’s only Friday. I can only watch so much HGTV. I’ve finished one book already (that I started yesterday) but can’t decide what to start next. I am unable to do anything around the house, so I’m just sitting here, bored out of my mind.

The most excitement I’ve had was having an allergic reaction to the painkiller yesterday. At least my mom and grandma are coming over to help with the kids and visit tomorrow, so that will help break up the day a little. I’ll hobble back to work on Monday, so I know I should enjoy the break while I can, but I am not meant to just sit around.


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IMG_5818The day we told Maya she was getting a baby sister, she literally jumped up and down screaming “a baby sister! I have a baby sister! I love her!” before running into her room to grab a blanket, stuffed animal, and a book “for my new baby.” It made my heart so happy to see this reaction (I may or may not have cried in the middle of my kitchen).

I grew up with a younger brother. While we didn’t always get along as kids, we are really close now and I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s one of my favorite people to spend time with and I love when our kids get together. I hope that Maya and Hazel grow up to be close friends and not just sisters. <3

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From Three to Four

In the span of less than 48 hours, we became a family of four. I still can’t believe it. Several people have asked what happened, so here’s the full story.

Earlier in September, we were at our adoption agency’s annual picnic. We said hello to our social worker and she mentioned that she’d be calling us soon to talk about some paperwork that needed to be updated.

Monday. About 10 days later, she called our house at 6pm. We thought it was to talk about paperwork, so we didn’t even get excited that it could be about something else. When I answered, she asked if Mark was home and to put him on the phone, too. I knew immediately this was not a call about paperwork.

She told us about a situation in which the mother (“B”) gave birth, brought the baby home, and then decided about 10 days later to make an adoption plan. This woman was interested in looking at our profile as well as a few other profiles. Our social worker explained some potential legal issues with the birth father (who was refusing to sign papers) and asked if we were interested. We talked it over and said yes.

Tuesday. The next day I could barely focus at work; I knew B was meeting with the agency to look at profiles, but I wasn’t sure what time. And just because she was viewing profiles didn’t mean she was going to choose a family that day (or at all). I was trying to be realistic without getting ahead of myself.

At 3:45 as I was packing up my desk to leave and go to a doctor’s appointment, my cell phone rang. It was our social worker and she asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I immediately ran into a conference room and she told me B met with the birth parent counselor. She provided more details about the birth father situation and then she said, “and B picked you and Mark to parent the baby. She already signed her papers. When would you like to pick up your daughter?”

And just like that we went from a family of three to a family of four.

Wednesday. We talked to the social worker and agreed to meet at the adoption agency that afternoon to meet our daughter and bring her home. We packed a diaper bag, picked up M from daycare, and headed to the city.

Meeting her was surreal. The social worker walked in and immediately brought her to Maya. She introduced her to her baby sister and let her hold her first. Then, Mark picked her up and snuggled her for a little bit. Finally (!) I was able to hold her. We spent about an hour at the agency, talking to them and taking pictures of all of them with the baby and marveling at how everything worked out and came together.

Life has been chaotic and exhausting these past few weeks, but we are loving it. Thanks for all the support and love on this journey!

Posted in Adoption process | 4 Comments

Princess, Knight, or Queen?

My daughter loves pink, all things princess, and most of all, tutus. But she also loves trucks, monsters, and dinosaurs. We encourage her to play with all kinds of toys; some days she wears her tutu and tiara while racing trucks around the family room. She’s a well-rounded kid. :)

Today she asked to watch the movie The Princess Diaries. For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, the awkward high school girl finds out she’s a royal princess and shenanigans ensue. At one point, Miss M asked me, “mom, why doesn’t that girl want to be a princess?” When I said I didn’t know, she responded with “Well, maybe she wants to be a knight. Or the Queen.”

That’s my girl.

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My three year old does not adjust well to change. She needs a routine. She needs structure. She needs to know what to expect so she can prepare. We try to maintain a fairly normal schedule for her, but every once in a while life happens and her schedule gets thrown off.

During the last three weeks she has experienced several changes to her little world and she’s struggling with how to adapt. First, her beloved daycare teacher left to teach junior high. Then, another wonderful daycare teacher left and moved out of state with her family. Plus, Miss M graduated to the next level at swimming lessons. Guess that that means? Yep, she has a new swimming teacher, too. That’s a lot of change in a short amount of time.

To make matters worse, her new daycare teacher doesn’t seem to understand the need for waking M up after 1 hour of napping. Instead, she’s letting her sleep 1 1/2 – 2 hours every day. We have repeatedly asked her not to do this because M will not go to bed at night if she takes a long nap. When she’s up late and then awake early for school she acts out and doesn’t listen because she’s tired. We’ve been through this before and had a great system with her other teacher (which made all of our lives much more pleasant). But her new teacher seems to not hear our pleading requests. It’s in one ear, out the other.

I feel like a broken record. Every day when I pick her up and see that she slept almost 2 hours, I gently remind the teachers to please wake her up after an hour. Every morning when my husband drops her off, he gently reminds the morning crew of the same thing. In both cases, they assure us they will wake her up. Yet every damn day it’s the same frustration.

I understand her daycare center is going through a transition period and hiring new teachers and rearranging schedules/rooms for the existing teachers, but I hope they get their shit together soon. I am so tired of getting notes home from the teacher that M didn’t follow directions and didn’t listen, etc. But mostly, I’m tired of explaining to the teacher that we’ve been down this road before and the best solution is to cut her nap off after one hour so she actually sleeps at night.

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One Year Later

One year ago today our profile became active with our agency and we became a “waiting family.” My husband was convinced we were going to get picked by an expectant mother quickly, but I wasn’t so sure. Turns out I was right. (And I sometimes like to gloat when I’m right and he’s not, but not this time.)

One year later and we have not had a single phone call or situation presented to us.

This is drastically different from our last experience as a waiting family when we were picked multiple times and actually declined a few situations based on the information presented.

I thought I’d be okay waiting this time. I thought it would be easier because we already have a child and can focus our attention on her instead of focusing on what we don’t have. In some respects it has been easier, but not always. Some days, the doubt creeps in and I start to wonder why we haven’t been chosen. What is it about our profile that makes someone view it and then pick another family? Why wouldn’t someone who is interested in an open adoption see that we work hard to nurture that relationship with our daughter and her birth family and that we’d do the same for them?

It’s hard not to feel discouraged. I find myself wondering if I’ll ever be a mom again or if I should just donate all the baby stuff we’ve been saving.

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