Some days I feel resentful. And jealous. And maybe a little impatient. Today is one of those days.
I’ve said all along that my feelings this time around are different (and they are), but some days just overwhelm me and the unpleasant feelings rise to the surface.
Today, I am resentful of my husband because he’s been sick for almost three weeks and isn’t helping me with M or around the house. I know he’s been sick and he needs to rest and recover. I know he works really, really hard for our family and I need to give him a break. And yes, I know that I’m lucky to have a partner who truly shares the workload around here 50/50. But the messy house and the toddler tantrums set me over the edge tonight and I just need a break (which may be why I’m hiding out in the basement drinking wine).
Today, I am jealous of my co-worker who came to work after her doctor appointment and rushed over to show me her 20-week ultrasound pictures. I am happy that she’s happy, but I am jealous that she gets to share ultrasound pictures and talk about feeling little flutters in her belly while I feel inadequate that a birth mom hasn’t chosen us yet. (And yes, I know it’s only been 5 weeks since our profiles went active at the agency.)
Today, I am feeling impatient with everything and everyone. I want everyone in my house to feel better now. I want my messy house clean now. I want my toddler to stop screaming and hitting now. I want a birth mom to pick us now. Unrealistic? Yes, I know. But it’s how I feel today. UGH.