Did you know there’s a separate version of Mother’s Day for birth moms? Yep, today is Birth Mother’s Day. I love that there’s an excuse to celebrate the selfless women who choose adoption for their children, but honestly, it bugs me a little that there’s a separate day for them. Why can’t we just celebrate them on Mother’s Day? Just because they aren’t raising their babies doesn’t mean they aren’t mothers. This whole holiday just makes me feel so conflicted.
I sent M’s birth mom flowers this weekend with a card wishing her a happy mother’s day, not a happy birth mother’s day. I truly feel like she deserves the recognition and honor that comes with being a mom. Even though she’s not the one nurturing and raising M now, she spent 9 months caring for her and protecting her before she brought her into the world. She made the heartbreaking decision to place her with us; I know she loves her with her whole heart and always will.
I wonder what others think of this holiday. Are you an adoptive parent? How do you celebrate and honor your child’s birth mom? Are you a birth mom? How do you feel about the separation of the holidays?
My latest adoption post is up over at Bloggers for Hope! Head on over and check it out.
Now that M is one, we’ve been talking about what happens next. Before we met her, we had a plan – we’d adopt once, and when that child turned one we’d start the process again. We know how long the adoption process can take and we don’t want our children to be too far apart in age. We figured by starting over when our child was about a year, maybe the kids would end up being 2-3 years apart. I’m a planner, and this plan sounded great to me.
Well, now that we have a 1-year old, we’re starting to talk again about not only when to start the process again, but if we should adopt again.
We are definitely not ready to start again right now. I LOVE being a mom. I truly love it. It’s damn hard, and there are days I think I’m doing it all wrong, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I want nothing more than to adopt again and give M a sibling. But you guys, adoption is hard. It’s stressful, and full of grief, ups and downs and loss. And it’s expensive. But even more than the financial toll, the emotional toll it took on us is deep and I’m not sure those wounds have fully healed yet.
Part of me wants to start right now because I know from experience how long this can take. The other part of me wants to enjoy being a mom to M for a while longer without all the distractions of the adoption process. Once you start the process, it consumes you. It involves so much paperwork and running around; your to-do list multiplies like you wouldn’t believe. And then you wait. And while you wait you think about the “what ifs” and wonder when you’re going to get that call that will change your life. I want to make sure that we are efficient with the stuff involved in the adoption process, but also present and participating in M’s life at the same time. It’s going to be a huge balance.
It’s obvious to both of us that we’re not ready to start over right now. We’re going to give it more time and reevaluate at the end of the year. Maybe we’ll end up being a family of three – who knows? I honestly hope we become a family of four someday in the future, but I don’t want to force it or dive in when we’re not ready. So for now, we’re going to keep praying about it and enjoying our time together. When the time is right, if the time is right, we will take that leap of faith and (hopefully) add to our family.
Having fun with her smash cake during her 1-year photos!
Yesterday was M’s first birthday! I am still amazed that an entire year has gone by since we met her. The years we waited to adopt were long and stressful, but the first year of her life flew by in an instant.
My baby isn’t so much of a baby anymore! She looks much more like a little girl than a tiny, squishy baby. She has three teeth and two more almost popping in, she took her first steps last week (but still hasn’t started truly walking – yet), she eats an enormous amount of food for someone so little, she’s starting to talk more frequently and she has the silliest personality.
We are celebrating with our families and her birth family this weekend. I can’t wait to see them and spend time with them. A year ago they gave us the most precious gift and we will always love them for that.
The view from our balcony
We celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary this weekend! Eleven years. I still can’t believe it’s been that long. We’ve been through a lot together but I honestly couldn’t ask for a better person to spend my life with. I consider myself blessed and very lucky to have such a great husband.
A while back I saw a Group.on for a stay at the resort where we had our wedding reception. We haven’t been back since our wedding and it was too good of a deal to pass up, so I bought it. I made the reservation right away and was able to get a room the night of our anniversary.
M is almost a year old and we’ve never left her overnight. We’ve left her with family and had other babysitters, but we’ve always come home the same day. This time, my mom came to spend the weekend at our house with her and the dogs. I trust my mom and know she’s great with M, but I was still a nervous wreck about being gone overnight.
I vowed not to inundate my mom with texts or calls to check in and make sure everything was okay. I think I did a fairly good job – I only texted a few times and didn’t call until this morning when we were getting ready to go to breakfast.
Everyone survived, although I think my mom is exhausted – M has a LOT of energy. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave her overnight again anytime soon, but I’m thankful my family is nearby and is willing to take care of her for us. It was a much needed getaway to reconnect and spend some quiet time with my husband.
I have so many blog posts floating around in my head but not enough time or energy to write them out. As I work it out and figure out how to articulate the thoughts and feelings, here’s a snapshot of our life lately (otherwise known as the list of excuses for not blogging or being in touch with my friends much):
- My house is in a constant state of chaos. Why? My basement craft room is under construction so there are tools and sawdust and construction things everywhere.
- Plus, the (already) finished part of my basement has another leak. Turns out it’s the same leak that was fixed 5 years ago. The company repaired it for free, but they won’t do a damn thing about the ruined carpeting or drywall that we had to cut out.
- Everyone in my house has been sick – RSV, ear infections, pink eye, colds, sinus infections, etc. It’s been a constant cycle and now I’ve got some nasty sinus bug where the pressure in my ears hurts like hell and my throat feels like razor blades when I swallow. Good times.
- M is teething. She better cut another tooth (or teeth) soon. She’s an inconsolable crab and not sleeping well lately and I need a break and good night of sleep. Soon.
- One of my dogs has been having seizures and I’m a complete wreck about it.
Blogging is usually a therapeutic outlet for me, but lately I don’t have the motivation or energy. My anxiety has been through the roof and I just feel drained. I’m hoping to get back to it soon, so please bear with me as I try to get my shit together.
PAIL Bloggers posted a fun prompt with a list of 20 questions. Here are my answers for your entertainment.
1.What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling? An empty wine bottle….
2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Hmmm. Right now, probably Overjoyed by Matchbox 20. I usually put it on shuffle and let it go.
3. What is your favorite quote? “We are all angels with one wing; therefore, we must embrace each other in order to fly.” I’m not sure who said it, but I love it.
4. What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Dusting – I end up sneezing the rest of the day.
5. What is your favorite form of exercise? Does flipping the page on my latest book count? How about arm curls as I sip my wine? No? Huh. I haven’t done much exercise since my foot surgery, but before that I’d say walking.
6. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? I love late nights (when I can stay awake long enough) when the house is quiet. The weekends are my favorite because my family is together. My favorite month is probably October – I love the crisp air.
7. What is on your bedside table? A baby monitor, my Nook, my iphone, a bottle of water, a bunch of hair ties and the home phone.
8. What is your favorite body part? On me? Um, maybe my hands. These hands have created a lot of cool things. On my hubby? His arms!
9. Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? Elaborate. Definitely evil. I’d be causing all kinds of mischief! “Haunting” the people I don’t like as much and just messing with the ones I love!
10. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? Hmmm. 35 (current age). I’m happy with my little family and my life.
11. What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Pay off my house and bills, then go on a kick ass vacation.
12. What is your biggest pet peeve? When people make excuses for their behavior. Oh, and when they can’t spell. Or use the wrong version of their/they’re/there. Or can’t drive. Really, I have to pick just one?!
13. If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be? Will my daughter grow up to be strong, independent and happy?
14. At what age did you become an adult? 22. I was halfway around the world from my family and friends and learning how to be resourceful, strong and independent.
15. Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less. The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon – time traveling, sexy Scotsman in a kilt, and lots of historical adventure.
16. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? I didn’t get into trouble – my brother was the troublemaker.
17. What was the first album you bought with your own money? I have no idea. I’m too old for that memory to stick!
18. If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title? All You Need is Wine. Really, I have no freaking clue, but this sounds good.
19. What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you? The one about how when I was being potty trained I took my cereal bowl out on the deck, pulled my pants off and peed in it – in front of the entire construction crew working outside. Funny that now I have a fear of public bathrooms and will hold it all day rather than go in a public place, isn’t it?
20. True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case. Not unless it can save me during the zombie apocalypse.